I know I haven't touched this blog...

...in a few months. We're in Texas, regrouping financially, because this economy kicked our butts. I'm sure we're not the only ones in this position.
I'm writing because I miss Riley, even more now that we're 1200 miles away from her spot in the cemetery.
Ella's talking more and more about her.
We're debating having more children...in two years, but that's progress, for my husband who said "never again."
Jack Edward Thomas (or Jet) for a boy.
Autumn Ivy-Elizabeth for a girl.
We'll see, but it's looking hopeful.

seriously?

I just looked up online about support groups in the Berwyn/Cicero area for pregnancy loss.
Nothing.
Am I the only one in the Berwyn/Cicero area, or any other Chicago suburb to suffer a miscarriage, EVER?
Anybody?
I hate this city.

This is my nightmare, welcome to it....

I mean that in a sarcastic way. I think. You've caught me in the throes of my bad season, or maybe at the end of it. I'm not sure yet. Bit of background for you.
On May 17, 2005, I miscarried my first child, a daughter, Riley Grace, at home. In our kitchen. I have no words for the kind of loss and loneliness I felt.
On May 17, 2006, I gave birth to a healthy little girl. Ella Rhiannon. She'll be three on Sunday. Her sister would've been four.
Welcome to the bad season. I'm not usually this short with my words, nor am I usually this sad.
Couple the fact that I am three days out from both my little girl's third birthday and the worst day of my life...AND the fact that a 'friend' told me "I can't wait until this Sunday is over...then you can start acting normal again," and you've got the exact reason for this blog.
Ugh.